The Rio Cafe
Twice a year, the ever-cuddly Robin Cairns replaces his normal open mike night at Glasgow with the brutal sport that is the poetry slam. Robin quipped to the Mumble, ‘its open to all & they’re all here!” & indeed, the Rio Cafe was positively bursting at the seams for the event, an excellent testament to Glasgow’s growing, unpretentious & inspirational spoken word scene.
On this occasion, nineteen poets competed ‘Glasgow-rules’ throughout two rounds of bite-sized, two minute Chicken mc’nugget monologues. The judges for the evening were Nelly Bean, Derek Parks, Carly Brown, the Mumble’s own Stephen Watt & Carly Brown, the winner of the 2013 Scottish poetry slam championships. She too would have competed in a similar slam on the way to her title, & of course tonights winner would not only find themeselves £50 better off, but would also be given an entry into next February’s Scottish poetry slam championships.
The nights winner, incidentally, was the keen-minded & verbally rumbistious Kevin Mclean, one of the famous ‘Loud Poets’ of Edinburgh. For me, I didnt really mind who won, for I loved the wide array of philosopher-poets that srutted their stuff on the Rio’s sacred stage. As I’d entered the bustling ‘arena’ I found myself sat with the young, & who turned out to be quite talented, Liam Mccormick, who very kindly sent me the first of his poems of the night, which reads as follows;
The Minor Tragedy of Reefer Madness
Drugs are fucking great.
Like…. really fucking great
You get an itch, you send a text, you get a call, walk to Tesco, behind the bins, go home, with a bag.
Then you get your baccy, your skins, your roach, lay a bedrock of shredded brown leaves, put the
weed through the grinder, tap it out on the paper, sprinkle some tobacco, run your fingers up the
side, lick the gum, run your fingers up the side aaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnd-
Where’s my lighter?
Check your pockets, look in the drawer, under the couch, kitchen table, bathroom cupboard,
flatmates desk (He still smokes right?), old jacket pockets, under the couch, lift the cushions, check
your back pockets- FUCK SAKE- check the fridge, washing machine, loft- I JUST WANT TO SMOKE A
FUCKIN’ JAY- kitchen again, top of the microwave, behind the microwave, inside the microwave,
behind the bread bin, behind the toaster…
Slam down the slide, filament fires up, press the soon to be cherry against the makeshift chemical
launch pad, inhale, inhale, inhale.
I would never presume to say, I have a problem with hash- I just like a smoke out
AND THE ONLY PROBLEM AH’VE HAD IS RUNNING OUT
But yet, when the sun rises and I fancy a slice of toast- I know-
I’ll have to settle for microwaved bread at most.
The rest of the poems on offer were full of intelligent word-play, hip-hop bibidibop, failed romances & socio-political diatribe, a wonderful selection that really should have done Mr Cairns, & Glasgow proud. Everyone was happy, the slammers & their entourages joining in the fun & applause rather than looking at each with those dagger-pupil’d eyes that often accompany poetry slams, & for the neutral we had a grand old time.
Reviewer : Damo Bullen